come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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