Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
