How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
