1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
