I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
