"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
