Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
