Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Randomize
