I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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