found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
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