Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
