Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
