Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Randomize
