i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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