You're my little dorito
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Oh god it's open bar.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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