i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
