I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I don't deserve a penis
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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