I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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