some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Randomize
