well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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