there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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