No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
