Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
