I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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