I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
This is my gift to your gina
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
