Redeem this text for a blowjob
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
My Sexting was not on an AP level
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