Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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