Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
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