theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
