barbara walters just said penis...
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
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