no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
