I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
