Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
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