i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
