your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
