Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
