i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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