now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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