Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
