i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
