I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
they need to just BURY HIM!
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
