yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Randomize
