She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
