i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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