Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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