Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
