My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
