I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
