Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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