She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
Randomize
